Terry Gilliam

In the summer of 1948, my father (Dean, age 9) and his two brothers Dale (11) and Daryl (7) were playing at Cedar Lake’s hidden beach on the western edge of Minneapolis (not too far from Medicine Lake). They spent a couple of hours digging a hole and making a sand castle next to it. They were very busy digging and building, and had their castle about 2 feet tall, with 4 walls and 4 turrets at each corner. Late in the afternoon as the sun passed its apex, they noticed that their castle was being covered by shade. 15 feet away, Terry Gilliam (age 7-3/4) had been busy constructing his own sand castle. It was 8 feet tall, and had a 4 foot wide moat around it. Terry Gilliam was up on top, digging out the interior, making staircases up and down the inner walls. The 3 Severson brothers came up to the edge of the moat and began complaining that Terry Gilliam’s castle was casting a shadow on their own castle down below. Terry popped his head up (yellow construction helmet and green goggles), and insulted them in a upper-crusty British accent. They boys were flabbergasted, and started to throw their plastic shovels and a pail up at him. The boys ended up running away when all of a sudden dozens (hundreds it seemed) of plastic farm animals came raining down on them from inside Terry’s castle. The Severson brothers abandoned their castle, shovels and pails, but were able to return home with several plastic animal souvenirs that they collected as they left the beach. On through the woods they went, back home into the arms of Virginia.

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (then 17) and his tennis partner, Rogers Nelson (representing Harding High in St. Paul) made it to the Minnesota State Boys Doubles Tennis tournament in 1985 where they faced off in the first round against me and my partner, Matt Patterson (Eden Prairie). It was a gray and misty day, but Mitch was wearing tinted sunglasses. We split the first 2 sets, and came to a 6-6 tie in the 3rd set, forcing a tie-breaker. Mitch was to serve first; he tossed up the ball, but didn’t swing at it. Then he lay down and put the handle of his racket to his mouth and started mumbling into it, like it was a microphone. He then took three tennis balls and started juggling them while on his back. His partner came over to him and tried to coax him to keep playing the match. Their coach came over to them and asked if Mitch was OK. But Mitch stayed lying down, and spoke again (French this time) into the handle of his tennis racket. My partner later recounted a bit of what Mitch Hedberg was saying:

“Cerveaux Néanderthal mai ont été plus grands,
mais leur cerveau ont été faites principalement de pudding de tapioca:
C'est un fait connu.
C'est pourquoi ils n'ont pas survécu.”

His coach threw up his arms, yelled at Mitch, and walked away. Mitch’s partner then lay down on his back and starting juggling as well. When either of them would drop a ball, they would continue juggling like a mime. My partner and I found this amusing, and we also decided to lie down on our side of the court, pretending to juggle on our backs. After discussions with our coach, we said that we would not accept the opposing team’s forfeiture if their coach offered. We were all soon asked to leave the court to make room for the next scheduled match. It was decided that the match was annulled and that neither team would advance to the next round. A couple days later the Wachowski Brothers from Blue Earth became the 1985 MN State Boys Doubles Tournament champions.

Michelle and Barack

Last Thanksgiving weekend on Saturday morning there were several of us sitting around in the living room. It was a very casual setting, all of us just enjoying one another's company. Michelle Obama was sitting next to me on the sofa to my right. At some point she leaned in and gave me a kiss on my right cheek. Barack came into the room from my left with a charming look on his face. His face was much fuller than how I’ve seen him before, like he weighed an extra 25 pounds. I also noticed that he had a blue tattoo of some sort right around his right temple. As he walked by, he teased me about how I was so chill and laid back looking on the sofa, like I was in a recliner chair. I responded by saying, "I’m still recuperating from all the stuffing and pie we ate.” He sat down on Michelle’s right hand side. Just to be funny, reacting to Barack’s comment, I quickly sat up super straight, with perfect posture. Michelle smiled when she saw me do this, and leaned in slowly with a playful, flirty look on her face, and kissed me sweetly on the lips.

Victoria and Robert

Queen Victoria, Robert Zimmerman and I were sitting by a campfire up at Lake Itasca, MN, at the headwaters of the Mississippi. After a great pause, The Queen said, “Time never happened. Time never will happen . . . making it always seem like now.” Robert’s face lit up and he said, “Hey . . . it’s my birthday! It’s always my birthday!”

The Coen Brothers

My oldest brother, Todd, and his tennis partner, Steve Friswold (representing Eden Prairie High) were playing in the opening round of the Minneapolis Metro area regional boys doubles tennis tournament in early June, 1976 (the top three teams would later advance to the Minnesota State Tennis Tournament the following week). On this day they were to play against Ethan Coen and Mark Zimering from Saint Louis Park. Even though it was a nice day outside, the tournament was being held indoors in Apple Valley. It just so happened that Ethan’s older brother, Joel Coen, worked as a locker room attendant at this particular tennis club during the summer months. Because he had worked there the previous summer, he was able to get permission to set up several video-film cameras around the court to document the match. While warming up, Todd and Steve noticed something odd about the court they were about to play on. There were holes in the four corners of the court that had plastic covers on them. After they were all done warming up for the match, Joel Coen walked around the court, taking off the four hole covers at each corner of the court. He also pulled up the net and the net posts from each side of the court, leaving two more holes (now a total of 6). Some other guys came running over from several courts away carrying giant rolled up tarps, and began lining the entire court with them on all sides. Within a minute the tennis court looked like a giant pool table. Joel Coen came running in with a sack full of numbered croquet balls. Joel Coen then pointed to Todd and Steve and said, “You guys are stripes.” He pointed at Ethan and Mark and said, “And you shall be solids.” An hour and a half later, with only the eight ball left, Todd scratched. Steve screamed, “Nooooooooo!!!!!!!” A couple of tournament organizers came over and disqualified both teams from the tournament. Joel Coen was fired from his job as a locker room attendant for drilling holes in the tennis court corners. But he was able to leave with his video cameras and the full recordings of the match proceedings.